A Gunners' Must

Autobiographies are the bad first dates of the literary world.

You’re stuck in your chair listening to her talk about herself, and talk about herself, and talk about herself, and the best you can hope for is that the restaurant she picked is as good as she made it sound.

So it follows that sports autobiographies are the bad one night stands of the autobiography world.

Every once in a while, though, you have that one night stand where you wish you’d asked for her phone number, or that you’d stayed to make her breakfast.

Vieira: My Autobiography is a bit like that.

You pick it up, blow through it, and you wish you could go back and ask him to tell you more.

Vieira’s story reads like an oral history, which is probably exactly what it is: his story rambled out to a ghostwriter in a series of conversations. But that’s okay. There is no pretense to literary talent, no silly attempts to elevate the prose above conversations about his impressive career in football, which is dominated by his years at Arsenal, and absolutely no attempt to make Vieira more than he is.

So what is Patrick Vieira?

He is a Senegalese born Frenchman, who plays defensive midfield for club and country; he has won a World Cup, a Euro Cup, a Scuddetto, multiple Premiership titles, and the FA Cup; he has captained Arsenal and Les Bleus; and he is a seemingly honest man who either has too much probity or too much naivety to keep his mouth shut when it comes to those he’s played with and against.

And therein lies the great charm of Vieira’s book. Much like the autobiography of Roy Keane, a competitor, incidentally, Vieira admires and respects, Vieira: My Autobiography is filled with opinions about all the great players Vieira has come in contact with. He is as quick to call Ruud van Nistelrooy a “son of a bitch” as he is to call Tony Adams “a towering personality.”

Nor does he pause when he wants to clear up his side of a story, particularly when it comes to his infamous battles with Manchester United, both on the pitch or in the tunnel.*Yet whether he is providing his side of a story or attacking someone personally, Vieira conveys a real sense of integrity, making it very difficult to disbelieve his perspective.

Vieira: My Autobiography is a must for Arsenal fans, but it is worth a read if you are a neutral, and adversary or just interested in football. Vieira gives us a hint of what footballers go through on and off the pitch, and he entertains along the way.

And that works just fine for me.

does anyone else find it strange?

I get the sense from Arsenal fans everywhere that nobody really gives a damn that Alex Hleb is probably on his way to Barcelona. Does that strike anyone else? We all gave a damn about Flamini, and I expect that we will care about Adebayor, but nobody is even blinking at the potential loss of Hleb -- despite the fact that he had a decent opening half of last season.

Maybe it is because we haven't forgotten what a useless tit he was the year before (when Henry couldn't stop scowling at him for his shitty passes. Have fun at Camp Nou, Alex). Or maybe because, even at his best last season, Hleb was only ever as good as Ljungberg in his decline. Maybe it's because we're all hoping for Samir Nasri, who has most of Hleb's talent on the ball with the added bonus of being willing to take a shot or two. Or maybe it is just because we won't have to listen to his money grubbing agent inciting Arsene anymore. Or maybe it has something to do with gellato. But it's probably because Hleb is just an average player made to shine by the improvements of Flamini and Fabregas last season, and we know that his departure is the least of our worries.

And, for the record, I am pretty worried; it's just not about Hleb. Sign somebody, Arsene. Please sign somebody.

kiki's back

My lovely wife is the best sport ever. All season long she has been banished from Arsenal games because she has traditionally been bad luck, but today that changed.

We were watching West Ham v Man Utd and when Upton scored the Hammers' second goal I thought: "Her luck is changing."

So with her new found luck and the Arsenal scarf Giovanna bought me at Emirates (which I also used to great effect during the Chelsea win), Arsenal went on to beat Everton 4-1 at Goodison Park.

I would just like to add that I fucking hate Tim Cahill, and that my love of Eduardo is increasingly vindicated.

Doing the Double

Not one to gloat -- usually -- but I can't help taking a moment to smile and brag about doing the league double over Spurs this season. We've finally reached the point where we are starting to replay other teams, and the Spurs game is important in a few ways.

First, the Spurs fought hard, and Arsenal's defense had to be very sharp against the always dangerous Keane and an in form Berbatov. Berbatov scored one, but he could have scored more. And Keane should have scored two. Almunia made a fine save on the penalty (the first penalty shot I can remember him saving) and the defense did well, even if they got lucky here and there.

Second, the Gunners have faced all their tests so far this season and done well. There really should be no more of the "Arsenal haven't yet been tested" talk, although there will be.

Third, the first team squad has insured that even if Spurs beat the Younger Guns in the Carling Cup semi-final, it will be a hollow victory unless Spurs can go on to win the whole thing. We know these Spurs can't beat the full squad. So like last year, if the Spurs lose they lose to our reserves. If they win they only beat our reserves. That's gotta suck.

Finally, beating Spurs is a perfect Christmas present for all Gunners. Merry Christmas, Happy Pirate's Day and all that other rot.

to beat Chelsea

It could be very simple or almost impossible for Arsenal to beat Chelsea this Sunday.

If the Gunners have everyone back and in good form, Chelsea's only hope will be to send Michael Essien out head hunting for Cesc or Hleb. If that doesn't work, then Arsenal should pass around Chelsea with ease.

If the Gunners do not have everyone back, or they're not fighting fit, Arsenal will spend the game being thumped off the ball and chasing after Chelsea.

A lot of people are calling for a draw, imagining that's what's coming. I don't think so. Someone is going to win this thing. I just hope it's the young guns.

A Good Weekend

HAHAHAHA! Not only did the Spuds get beat at home, they got beat by Arsenal-lite. I love Muamba, Djorou and Seb. What a beautiful weekend this has been (apart from Hleb's achilles injury).

On a more serious note, however, is anyone else thinking that the crappiness of Spurs has nothing to do with the management? The only player who shows up every game is Robbie Keane (who I actually find myself liking because of his tenacity). No one else gives it even 50%. Managers can only do so much with that sort of commitment. Silly Ramos should have stayed in Seville where the players give a shit, and Martin Jol is lucky to have escaped. Maybe McClaren, whose shown how good he is at motivating excellent players to give their all (wink, wink), should be next in line for Spurs manager.

what can you say?

Games like that are what football is all about. Sure, neither Arsenal nor Manchester United were able to play their usual brands of beautiful football, but they gave as close an approximation as they could. They were, after all, each playing the other best team in European football today. It was always unlikely that either was going to tear the other apart.

Sir Alex says that Arsenal scored chippy goals, and he's right, but that ignores the gorgeous build-up play that got them in range for those chippy goals. Sir Alex also says that the good chances went to Man Utd. The pretty chances certainly did. But what he omits is that those pretty chances were the only chances. While no team dominated, Arsenal certainly got closer to the goal, more often, than Man Utd did.

But none of that matters for either team or their squads.

What matters is that Manchester United and Arsenal drew in a hard fought, impressive game, where both teams deserved a share of the spoils. Moreover, the stars on both teams performed at the highest level: Rooney and Ronaldo (despite incredible marking by Sagna), and Cesc (despite being double teamed by Hargreaves and Anderson) and Hleb.

What matters for Man Utd is that they came into Emirates, got a point, and stayed even with Arsenal. A tough test and one that proves that they are truly title contenders. What matters for Arsenal is that they proved beyond doubt that they are not just pretty -- they are tough. They are the real deal this year, and their start has not been a fluke.

It also proved one other thing for Arsenal, and it's the one thing I have been quietly worrying about all year: they do have a Captain.

Gallas did the job today. I wasn't convinced when he was chosen, I was even less convinced when he went out injured and Toure did such a great job deputising, but I am now believer. Arsene's decision to make Gallas the captain looks to have been the right one, and he'll be great until Cesc takes over.

p.s. Hey, Fergie! I don't buy into the whole "Webb favoured Arsenal" bullshit, but if he did it is about fucking time you got a dose of your own medicine. And isn't it great to see that in the cavernous Emirates the home fans can be far more intimidating than they ever were in the beautiful Highbury? If you really want to impress the footballing world, Red Face, be man enough to admit the next time Old Trafford and the fans force a ref into making crap calls (which Webb didn't do today, except the one that went against Arsenal ;)). You can't and you won't. Old bastard.